Give the child a choice and an exit
A visit is easier to choose when the child knows what they may see, hear and feel.
A visit preview
A call, picture or message is an equal alternative to going in person.
- Ask both the ill person and child whether they want the visit.
- Describe the room, equipment, smells, sounds and changes in appearance or voice.
- Use a photograph or video preview if the unit, patient and child agree.
- Choose a trusted adult whose attention stays with the child.
- Agree an exit signal and keep the visit short.
- Plan a simple debrief and ordinary activity afterwards.
Questions for the unit and child
Ask the child again on the day.
- What will the child see and hear?
- Are there infection or visiting rules?
- How can the child leave immediately if they want?
- What should be explained after the visit?
Make changing their mind safe
No explanation should be required.
“You can visit, choose another way to connect, or change your mind.”
“Show me this signal if you want to leave. You will not need to explain.”
Giving a child enough information and real choice
A hospital or hospice visit is usually less frightening when a child knows what they may see, hear and smell, and knows they can leave.
Consent matters on both sides. Ask the ill person and the child whether they want the visit, and revisit that choice on the day. Describe changes in appearance, voice, alertness and equipment plainly, without promising that everything will look familiar.
Children may stay only briefly, play, become bored or ask an unexpected question. Those responses are not disrespectful. A trusted adult whose sole role is supporting the child should be ready to step outside. If visiting is not right, another form of contact can be equally meaningful.
A practical way through it
Use the parts that fit your situation and leave the rest.
- Ask staff for a current descriptionFind out how the person looks today, what equipment is visible, likely sounds or smells and whether procedures could interrupt. Do not rely on yesterday’s condition.
- Explain the place in advanceUse photographs or a simple description of the entrance, room, bed and staff. Explain that machines help with care and that alarms do not always mean danger.
- Describe the person honestlySay if they may be thinner, swollen, sleepy, confused, unable to speak or using oxygen. Add what remains recognisable, such as their voice or a favourite blanket.
- Offer genuine choicesLet the child choose whether to enter, how close to go, whether to touch and when to leave. Avoid asking them to be brave for the adult.
- Choose a child-focused adultSomeone other than the main visitor should watch the child’s cues and leave immediately with them if requested, without debate or visible disappointment.
- Plan another connectionPrepare a drawing, voice note, video call or object to send if the visit is declined or shortened. Present it as a valid choice, not a consolation prize.
- Check in afterwardsAsk what surprised or worried them and correct misunderstandings. Inform school or another trusted adult if the child may need support.
What this can look like
A teenager changes their mind at the door
Fourteen-year-old Jay agreed to visit his aunt, but becomes frightened after hearing equipment through the hospice corridor and says he cannot enter.
Honouring the choice
Jay’s supporting adult takes him outside without persuasion and asks what he heard and imagined.
Staff answer his question; he chooses a two-minute video call from another room and may reconsider visiting later.
Before the visit
- Ask both the ill person and the child whether they want the visit.
- Describe the room, equipment, sounds and changes in appearance or voice.
During the visit
- Keep an exit available and let the child choose proximity, touch and conversation.
- Bring an activity and expect younger children to become bored or need a brief visit.
If they do not visit
- Offer a video call, voice message, drawing, letter or photograph without presenting it as second best.
- Let the child change their mind without guilt.
A manageable next step
What you could do now
- Ask staff what the child is likely to see and hear.
- Agree a signal the child can use when they want to leave.
- Plan another way to connect if a visit does not feel right.
Checked sources
Read the original guidance
We summarise carefully and link to the source so you can check the full, most current information. Sources were checked 9 September 2026.